Staying positive

Sometimes it's really hard to stay engaged and happy and excited about running. My runs aren't brief, enjoyable thirty minute jaunts anymore, they're epic slogs of around an hour and a half each. Fitting them into my day is becoming more and more challenging, too. Sometimes I finish work with bundles of energy, but that enthusiasm is long gone by the time I get home. Last night, for instance, traffic was so bad it took over an hour and a half to get back. The irony is that I could have run home from work in that time.


Today, I've brought my running gear to work with me. My plan is to do laps of the park before heading home. That way, I hope to keep all my energy together and unleash it the right way. Not by yelling in passive-aggressive frustration at people chopping and changing lanes on the M4. That's the idea, anyway. Will it work? Will I get slowed down repeatedly by all the traffic fighting to leave Aztec West at five o'clock today? Probably. More than likely, actually. But I'm going to do it. My run on the treadmill was strange and not as enjoyable as I'd hoped. I want to keep running on the roads - it's better practice, more enjoyable for pacing myself, and much less boring than staring at the gym's off-white eggshell colour wall.


I'm trying to stay positive and upbeat. It's becoming slowly more difficult. Maybe it's the oncoming winter - human beings are genetically programmed to withdraw during the winter months to preserve energy - or maybe it's because I'm naturally cynical and pessimistic. There's a voice in my head telling me that I'll never do this. Give up, it says. Why bother? I have to try and push that voice aside. I want to do this. I want to prove to myself that I can do this - anyone can run a marathon, my fat arse included.


Even if I don't want to do it, I'm going to run. Once I start, the rest becomes easy. All I've got to do is begin. It sounds so easy when I put it that way.