End of chapter four

Time is marching ever onward, slowly bringing me closer and closer to the date of destiny. This time, though, I'm feeling super positive about my progress over the past month. I haven't done an excessive amount of running, but the work I've put into my leg has been paying off in spades. Today, I ran a nice, breezy six miles on the treadmill and my knees didn't ache at all. This is what progress feels like!

Any progress is progress! And I'm feeling the benefits now.

Everything is still a learning experience. I'm picking it up as I go and using every bit of information that I can read about training. My goal is still to try and hit twenty miles over the next month or two. If I can achieve that, I'll consider myself totally trained and ready. Not bad for a pudgy guy who couldn't run a full minute just eight short months ago.

Eighty six days and counting. I can do this!

Slow, painful progress

Yesterday, I ran for over eight miles and today my knees are still attached. This is amazing progress! I thought there would be trouble when my right knee threatened to pop within the first half mile, but I made the choice to press on and never had any more problems. The total run went pretty well and today my knee is aching, but no more than usual. Lately my knee has felt like someone is trying to pull out all the cartilage using an ice pick, but that's not the case right now. My hard work has been paying off! This is what progress feels like.

My longest run in a while!

I concluded last night's run with a decent session of leg stretches. Before now, I was only doing one or two pulls at the end of a run, but last night I spent over ten minutes working on getting my legs back into place. The difference is definitely noticable and I'm feeling the benefits of taking the time to stretch out the muscles. I just hope it's not too late and no permenant damage has been done.

It was a dark and cold night when I hit the road yesterday, but I soon warmed up as the miles began to slowly roll away. There were a great many other people out and about on their own evenings runs, too, which I found heartwarming. I wonder what their stories were. Are they also training for marathons? Maybe they're getting ready for a 10K? Or perhaps they wanted to lose some weight and make positive changes? Either way, I wish them all the best of luck. I hope our paths briefly cross again in the future.

I should get the back of my hi-viz embroided, like a football shirt.

Do's and don'ts for the gym

It's January and you've signed up to the gym, determined to finally make 2019 the year you get in shape. Excellent! Good for you! Going to a gym for the first time can be a daunting thing, but I want to help make it the smoothest transition of your life. After all, you want to focus on looking after your body, not worrying about whether or not you 'belong', or any other such nonsense people use to talk themselves out of making a change.

'Yes, officer, there were two guns involved...'

DO: Get involved!
Most gyms offer extra classes as part of the package, such spin cycles, aerobics, HIIT groups, etc. If it's your very first time going, consider signing up to a class or two. They're a great way to meet new people - most of whom will no doubt be in the same position as yourself - and will help you get a feel for the gym. Plus, the trainers for these classes will work you a lot harder than you'll work yourself!

DON'T: Worry about what other people think
Everyone has the same fear about going to a gym - What if everyone stares at me because I'm out of shape? Take it from me, a tubby bugger who has been going to various gyms on and off for a few years - nobody is looking at you. Not one person is going to spend their precious workout time watching you instead. The meatheads over at the weight benches are busy looking at themselves in the mirror. The people on the cardio machines are concentrating on their breathing. The people using the workout machines are more worried about counting their sets. Point is: nobody is going to spare you a second glance, so put your headphones in and get your sweat on.

Nobody cares that it's your first time. They're busy with their own workout.

DO: Pace yourself
On you first day at the gym, it might be tempting to throw yourself headlong into every single machine and workout and try to hit a hundred thousand reps immediately. Don't go crazy! Start slow. Try and hit ten reps at a fairly light weight. Increase the weight and hit ten more. Increase the weight again and try another ten. Find your own limits and boundaries, but do it slowly and carefully at your own pace. Once you're comfortable using the machines, then begin setting your own rules and reps. But please don't rush in! If you hurt yourself on day one, you won't go back for day two.

It's a great feeling!

DON'T: Be afraid to ask for advice or assistance
Every gym has staff on hand to offer support, advice, and instruction during regular hours. Make use of them! That's what they're paid to do. Most gyms have staff that double up as personal trainers, too. It's well worth considering the investment of having a session every week or two. Failing that, ask someone for advice. The people who look like sculpted statues of Adonis have that figure because they know what they're doing. Ask them for tips and pointers. The only thing a regular gymgoer loves more than working out is talking about their training.

DO: Put your damn weights back
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PUT YOUR STUFF BACK WHEN YOU FINISH WITH IT, WERE YOU RAISED IN A BARN?

You can't find the weights you need, but you can trip over them.

DON'T: Sit on the machines texting people
This is my pet hate. I'm doing an extra set on this machine, keeping a watchful on my next intended workout, but some jackass is sitting there, scrolling through their phone over and over. Dude, you haven't done anything in ten freaking minutes, you're not resting, you're in the way. GET OUT OF THE CHAIR.

Terry Crews should show up every time someone hogs a seat.

DO: Challenge yourself
It's fun to mix things up now and then. Try a new machine. Go out of your comfort zone. Download a workout app and try to perform the moves on the floor mats. Working out doesn't have to be boring!

DON'T: Stand around talking selfies
Okay, you can take one selfie a session. Use it as motivation. Fuel. Use it to inspire other people. But, for goodness sake, this is a gym, not a cocktail bar. Don't take dozens of selfies. Not only does it make you look like a selfish jerk, it will make the people around you feel uncomfortable. Don't throw others off their game. And this includes getting people to take pictures of you. I've seen so many people - men and women - posing and flexing while their mates take pictures. Do it at home. Not here. This is a Church. This is holy ground.

Don't be that person!

DO: Have fun, enjoy yourself, feel the burn!
Working out releases endorphins - aka the happy drug - into the bloodstream. The more you do, the better you'll feel. Even when your arms and legs feel like they're about to fall off and you swear your heart is about to explode, the rush of happiness is like nothing else on earth. If you let it, going to the gym willl make you feel great. Working out feels great. Losing weight feels great. And all you need to do is put in a little effort.

Live it, love it.

Halfway there

Yesterday, January 12th, marked the exact halfway point on my marathon journey. Halfway between me signing up for the marathon and actually going through with it.

My face right now.

I am excited. Nervous. Eager. Worried. Every time I try to picture the day - try to picture me standing at the start line, wearing my Crisis shirt - I get a knot in my stomach. Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to flake out or anything like that. Even if I hurt my knee, I'm going through with this.

But to be there and actually do it - I can't imagine what the day will be like. I can't imagine how it will feel to run through London with thousands of other people while crowds gather and cheer us on. I have never experienced anything like it before. I probably never will again.

Yesterday was the halfway point. From now on, it's all downhill. 104 days. Fifteen weeks. Twenty-six miles.

What Crisis do

I'm running the London Marathon with the goal of raising money for Crisis, the UK's leading homeless charity. The goal has been set to raise two thousand pounds along the way - a daunting task, probably more challenging than trying to complete the marathon itself!

A worthwhile charity who support everyone that deserves it.

Luckily, we're doing really well so far. We're still waiting for a cheque to clear into my fundraising page, but so far I'm up to four hundred pounds! An utterly incredible figure that blows my mind to even think about. I'm constantly amazed at the number of people pledging their support to me in this incredible cause.

Here's where you can expect your money to go and how it will benefit people who are currently living on the streets:

£10 can give someone a warm welcome to Crisis, a cup of tea and a chat, and an initial assessment of their needs. It can provide a start to a journey out of homelessness.

£25 could help someone regain a sense of worth through healthcare and counselling. We provide a range of health checks, tailored counselling, and opportunities for exercise that can help people feel human again.

£50 can give someone the life skills or education they need to turn their life around. Crisis offer practical workshops, a chance to get qualifications, training in life and skills and expert advice.

£250 will help someone towards independence with a place of their own to call home. We support people with housing advice, support with deposits, helping to find “moving in” items and training for independent living so they can stay safe and secure in their new home.

If I manage to reach my £2,000 goal, I can help eight people to get off the streets and back into a normal life again. That's a goal worth reaching for!

There's still plenty of time to donate if you're interested. Here's the link to my fundraising page. This will be active until June, I believe, so we still have a few months to smash that goal. I'm considering adding an additional target - reach £2,500 and I'll wear some sort of costume, etc. - but we'll see how it goes.

Thank you so, so much to everyone who has donated so far. It's amazing to see so many generous people willing to support this great cause! The rest is up to me...

How to lose weight

I'm not a fitness expert and nobody would disagree with me on that point. But after seven months' work and managing to shed over two stone and - more importantly - keep it off, I feel somewhat qualified to discuss the topic of weight loss and give out pointers to anyone that might be struggling. Brace yourselves, because I'm about to blow the lid off the entire weight loss industry. Yes, the whole thing - diet pills, fitness gurus, gyms, weight loss books, everything. THIS IS THE SECRET TO LOSING WEIGHT:

Calorie deficit.

Shocked? You should be.

That's it. That's all you need to do in to shed the pounds. The calories you consume during the day must be less than the calories you burn. In doing so, you create a calorie deficit in your body. To compensate for this, your body reaches into its backup unit of stored-up calories (which most of us call fat) and uses what's already on hand, thus depleting a tiny fraction of available body weight. If you can achieve this four or five times in a week - congratulations, you've lost weight!

Every single fad diet in human history falls under the umbrella of creating a calorie deficit. Atkins? Calorie deficit. Keto? Calorie deficit. Rabbit food? Calorie deficit.

You don't need to go vegan or follow a new fad, either!

Actually, that last sarcastic barb reminds me of something crucially important. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO EAT 'RABBIT FOOD' TO LOSE WEIGHT. You can eat what you like, but the key is to make sure you consume less than you burn. So long as you're being active (or active enough to burn whatever excesss calories remain), you can eat whatever you like. People keep making stupid statements like 'McDonalds is unhealthy', but that's not entirely true. McDonalds has a higher calories count than a burger you make at home, but it's your lifestyle that ultimately determines whether a meal is healthy or unhealthy. Don't believe me? Okay, how about a few different links to back up my claims?

No, you don't need to hop on the latest celebrity foodie bandwagon, or shop exclusively for avacados and green beans. You might not even need to make a drastic change to your overall lifestyle. All you need to do is take notice of what you're absorbing every day.

This guy chose to get buff, but he's got a good point.

You're burning calories every minute of every day. The only difference is how fast you burn them. If you spend all day sitting at a desk, then drive home and sit in front of the computer, you're burning the minimal number of calories, so you may need to adjust your food intake more than someone who lives a more active lifestyle. If, however, you eat absurdly good, 'healthy' foods every day and can't seem to shift any weight, you might want to consider taking up a activity to get extra exercise and give your body encouragement to burn off those stored-up calories. Even a brisk, thirty-minute walk every day will make a hell of a difference.


This is why strenuous cardio - such as running in preparation for a marathon - is great for losing weight. Your body is forced to burn off those extra calories as quickly as possible, and it will kick-start your own metabolism, too. The more you force your body to burn off calories, the faster you'll be able to burn fat.

(Side note: if your goal is to gain muscle, then cardio won't be much good to you. You rarely see muscular guys on the gym treadmills, because they have almost no body fat leftover to burn.)

Never forget leg day. Make every day leg day.

Here's the most important thing to remember. You weight is not going to change overnight. I was running (well, hobbling and wheezing) for about three months before anyone commented on my weight loss. It was another two months before I noticed it myself. The point is this - don't expect immediate results. Don't kick yourself if the scales aren't reflecting all hard work and changes you've made. Your body will reach into the fat storage and withdraw some calories, but it takes time. Everything takes time. But it's so, so, so worth it in the end.

One final point - please, for the love of all that is good and holy, do not weigh yourself every day. That will not help you. It will only make you doubt yourself and all the work you're doing. The best thing to do is weigh yourself at the start of every week and creating a monthly average. That will help avoid the dreaded moment you step on the scales, plus give a more accurate and realistic week-on-week total.


Oh, and for the record - you might as well use those diet pills and food supplements as suppositories. That's all they're good for. The only tablets you need are multivitamins and iron, to make sure your body gets the minimum nutrients it needs.


I don't know if this is ever going to help anyone, but it's helped me. It's going to continue helping me. Nobody gains weight without good cause, but nobody ever loses weight without a little effort, either.

Good luck!

Come running with me

Here we go. 2019 begins. I am now officially running the London Marathon this year. Currently feeling excited. Scared, but excited. My knee is still weaker than needed, but I can feel it improving every time I work out. I'm gonna get there. I'm gonna be fine.

Look at them! Not a dodgy knee anywhere to be seen!

But today's post is not about me, it's about you. A new year has begun - time for reflection, excitement, and making promises. Every year, people swear that this is the year they finally get in shape and lose the pounds. This year, I want you to make it happen.

I want you to try running. I'm not asking for a huge commitment, or telling you to train for a marathon (that's ridiculous, only a moron would attempt such a thing). All I want is thirty minutes, three times a week. Before work, after work, during work - it's totally up to you. The only thing I want is a fraction of your week. Literally the length of one Despicable Me movie, spread over seven days. That's nothing, is it? Barely anything at all. Your TV shows can wait. Just give it a try.

And you're not going to start off by running hell for leather on the first week. You're going to start with a brisk walk for five minutes. Then you can break into a fast jog for one minute. Alternate sixty seconds of running with two minutes of walking for half an hour. Then a quick walk to cool down. That's all you need to do for the first week.

After that, cut back on the walking time and add those seconds to your runs. Jog for two minutes, walk for one. Run for three minutes, walk for thirty seconds. Start with small, achieveable goals and build up to something great. It is possible - look at me! Fat boy all my life. Spend my days and nights in front of a computer screen. Now I've dropped over two stone and I can run two hours non-stop. If I can do it, anyone can. All it takes is a little time. Thirty minutes over seven days.

It takes twenty one days to make or break a habit. After three weeks, you'll want to run. You'll make time to hit the road. You'll look forward to doing it. I know I do. I can't wait to get to the gym later and see all the fresh, new faces - faces of people doing their damndest to make a difference in their lives. I hope I keep seeing those faces at the gym, plugging away, trying to make a positive change. It's hard at first, but goddamn is it rewarding.

Hopefully one day soon, I'll go for a run with you. I can't imagine anything more fun.