I'm not running for myself anymore

Forty five days to go.

I came to a strange realisation during my run this past Monday: I'm not running for myself anymore. Once upon a time, I would lace up my trainers whenever I felt like it and enjoy a quick thirty minute run-walk-jog around the park at the bottom of my road. Even after finishing the 'Couch to 5K' course, I was mostly running for myself (people told me that I looked slimmer and that was a really nice thing to hear).

Even those small compliments felt like this.

Those days are long gone. Now I lace up my trainers with other things on my mind. I've one goal, one vision, one thought occupying my mind during every minute of every run for the past six months. The London Marathon has clouded all my thoughts. I'm still nervous, still excited, still barely able to believe that I will be tackling the most famous marathon in the world.

I'm not running for myself anymore. Not for my own health or my own pleasure or my own benefit. Now I'm running for a cause. I'm running because there are people relying on me. I'm running for all the people Crisis are going to support with the donations they receive. I'm running because people have sponsored me and believe that I can do this. But most of all, I'm running because I have to. I have to do this. Six months ago, it seemed like a crazy dream. Now I'm just over six weeks away from the biggest, most daunting challenge of my entire life.

Minutes?! Jeez, calm down, Mr. Endurance.

Can I do it? Yes. I believe in myself. In all the training and preparation and reading I've done in anticipation of the big day. All the vegetables and protein shakes and eggs I've consumed, knowing what the effect would be on my body. I'm feeling good about it. There's just the 'small' matter of trying to finally hit the big 2-0 mark before the end of the month. I can do it. I know I can do it.

I know because I have to do it. I'm not running for myself anymore. Every step I take, I can feel the support and energy and willpower of every single person cheering me on. All the donations, all the jokes, all the questions and encouragement and support - I can feel every single one of them flooding my body with every step. It keeps me going. Keeps me focused. Helps me push through the pain and press on, no matter what.

Thanks, guy.

Even when the torrential rains begin at the ten mile mark, I don't quit because I can't. I am committed to this. There are people counting on me and I will not let them down. Crisis. The homeless people they support. Everyone putting in money to show their support. I will not let you down.

Nice.